Is your boss basic?

I got hey there friends and welcome to becoming a boss where we take some time each week to talk with someone who is wrestling with a specific situation at work I'm your host Megan here today with Wallace hello and today we're going to talk about well we want to know if your boss is basic sounds really mean we might go off the rails a little bit on this episode I mean here's the thing it just it upsets me when people don't treat their people well I get upset especially when it's something that can be easily corrected or easily avoid it we're hoping that if you are in fact making one of these quote unquote rookie mistakes that you would write your path consider it consider writing your path yes for the sake of the people yes and yourself when you grow as a leader like I mean if you yeah if you do something better you're growing yourself yeah and I'm a person who wants to learn all the time I want to be better I'm assuming that other people want to be better yes if we're not growing we're dying that's really good that's kind of harsh but that is the bottom line it is think about the people who just stay in the same no it is like a death in a way cuz you're not evolving well the rest of the world is moving forward exactly with or without you right and you're staying in a place yeah and another one of my favorite quotes is my Angela she said when you know better you do better for crying out loud yeah she didn't sa for crying all that but yes but we can add that we that's what our job is we're add Liv and I think she would be okay with that I do I agree she was the best so we're just going to buckle up and talk about your boss might be basic if if HEI HEI give us an example they're never in the office they're done that because if your boss is never in office why aren't they in office what's a good reason Devil's Advocate they're doing big things I don't know I guess it depends on their job are they out if they're out selling if they're out getting customers if they're out promoting the business if they're out okay let me that's a good reason I guess okay okay okay fair fair fair let me say never available let me change the verbage they're not available to you so they're not in office or they're never available yeah that's not I don't I can't think of a good excuse for that because your job is to help the people right and be there for the people correct and so either a you're actually not available or B they have a perception that you're not available o what about in The Devil's Advocate Arena what about if their boss is also never available and that's just what they do they think is normal they think it's normal triple from the top that's something they that people say and it is so true it is true but that's why we're doing the podcast so that we can tell you because we don't I don't have anything to lose I'm just going to straight out tell you that this is not okay right it's not okay if you're not available to your people whatever your boss is doing or not doing it's not okay no what if you are the people how do you approach that if you are the people and your boss is basic yeah well you have to make your own decisions I think but it depends some people are okay working what's the word autonomously yeah on your own you don't need direction you don't need people which is fine to an extent yeah but there's going to be times when you need answers so can you get the answers that you need and what is the level that you're willing to live with but okay just logistically pretend that I was a person and my boss was unavailable I would schedule a meeting with her on the calendar okay her him I would schedule a meeting and I would expect her him to show up to the meeting if the boss did not show up to the meeting I would that's really sad which could happen though again again yes it happens it's part of life so let's say they do show up okay they show up and you what do you say well respectfully you have to be prepared and this is my take on a meeting no matter who you are if you are the scheduler or the schedule I want to know what the meeting's about yes what's the agenda if you schedule me into a meeting I expect you to make sure that I know what the meeting's about okay if you are going to write that in the email if you just write in the invitation you just say here's what the meeting is about it doesn't have to be a dissertation it could be one sentence or two sentences or a couple of bullet points or if it's a regular meeting we already know what it's about it doesn't really necessarily have to so if you were the the people scheduling a meeting with your boss to discuss I would have bullet points in the agenda beforehand whatever I need to discuss oh but are we bringing up to them the fact like is it okay is it ever okay to tell your boss you're not meeting my expectations I think it is is that ever okay I think it is is it dangerous could it is yeah yeah it is dangerous because you don't know the type of reaction you might get right and backlash is a real thing it is a real thing so and backlash can be worse depending on there's other other factors too some people get treated badly for no good reason right so it might even be even more harsh right this is a whole lot subjective I hate to really give people advice on how to approach your own personal boss because I don't no I would be afraid for a person to get them yes because it could you don't know what going to Happ backlash is real yeah and you don't know what's on the other side of that so maybe we approach it by telling the people what to do for themselves if they are experiencing a basic boss yeah but if they're not available I mean I think it's okay to to say hey I schedule this meeting because I have things to go over I mean what do you need them for is the question so you need to talk to your boss what do you need them for exactly because they may not know that they're needed right if I I have outstanding questions so I used to have a boss who was very very busy he was a great Boss by the way and he was very busy but he did keep his one-on ones with me and we usually would just chat about life or whatever but I always would kind of have a list of things that I needed his input on whether it was a decision that I didn't feel comfortable making on my own or how has this been handled in the past because I've only been around a little bit right or whatever but I would be we were in office at this time so I would literally have a sticky note with three things on there and I would take it in his office and we would chat but before we would chat I would say here here are my things and he would answer all my questions and then we would chat for the rest of the time right and that was how we handled things and he was and that was one of the things that made him a really good boss because he he never failed he never failed me he always answered my question or gave me the direction to go there was never a point where he just like well I don't know like openend he didn't leave you to have to always figure it out for yourself or he would say figure it out and that's okay too that's an answer yeah that's an answer and I was okay with that but some things depending on what it was I just want to make sure hey let me run this by you he was a great boss he always kept his one-on-one meetings and he always answered my questions I think that's really one of the things that makes us be able to have a good relationship is communication yes I'm okay to talk with you you're okay to talk with me even when things aren't peachy keen all the time right and if you don't feel comfortable to approach your boss maybe that's something you should ask yourself is it okay with you that you're not okay right and comfortable to talk with your boss is that a person you're okay to work for right and then the other aspect is your boss may not even know that they're not approachable or not available or that they seem not available they may not even know so in that aspect I think it's it's okay that you at least just maybe bring that to their attention or just ask them a question like hey I was wondering I had a few things that I wanted to discuss with you would you be available after this meeting can you stay on a few minutes or should I schedule a separate meeting or just ask yeah and if they say no I don't think there's any danger in just asking that and if they you know they say no then then I think then then you have other considerations to make right yes you can go from there but at least you voiced your opinion you asked the question you put it out there I like it how else may what else may um be oh basic the yeah the makings of a a basic boss well Speaking of meetings there there are a couple of things that are just so green in my opinion you don't put any notes in the meeting so you don't know what the meeting's about if you don't know what the meeting is about then how do you prepare how do you know if you're even supposed to be in the meeting and also I think people can get kind of scared with meetings that you don't know what it's about because when you don't know what it's about you know then you just wonder well what is this about is it is it bad is it good is are we getting laid off is there is there whatever Lord yes it you go to extremes yes and our minds do that they will fill in the Gap if we don't have an answer we will fill it in right mhm not good no so that is one thing not and also I'm about efficiency if I don't know what the meeting is about how do I prepare maybe I need to get something before the meeting but I don't know I need to get it because you didn't say what the meeting was about how am I supposed to know what am I a mind reader pet peeve it takes two seconds to just type in a sentence or maybe you would have had some questions to bring that you wanted to ask anyway and now that you know this meeting is about this you come prepared and that way you ask the questions in front of the other team members and everybody benefits from the answer potentially but if you don't know then it's a waste of time it is a waste of time and that's where I'm saying if you are wasting time then you're wasting money the bottom line and staying on the thread of meetings another thing that I've seen people do a lot is they just schedule you over other things say you already have a meeting in your calendar and I'm trying to schedule a meeting between you and some other people well if I'm trying to schedule a meeting then I have to coordinate your calendar and her calendar and his calendar because I need to make sure that you guys are all available right all right so if you are not available then you would have it blocked already yes so my job as the scheduler is to make sure that I find an open space yes if I can't find an open space I'm going to have to do something additional to find an open space right let's say freck frock and religious everybody needs to the come to the meeting but religious calendar is booked all the way till next year I may Reach Out directly to frigus and say hey frigus we're having an issue because your calendar is blocked till 2025 what are we supposed to do about this we need to talk to you about do you want me to skip you or is there anything that's on your calendar that as a block that is actually cuz sometimes people block time in their calendar but it's really like Focus time or this time or that time oh I definitely do that and they know so when you reach out they'll say oh no actually mhm this time works right but it will take an extra step the lazy thing to do or basic thing to do would be to just book it any care about the people's calendar which I have had done unreal yeah unreal now we're going to step into whatever your company cultur is about cuz this may be different but I will tell you for the companies that I worked for I am not going to accept a meeting if I'm already booked right 98% of the time I'm not going to do it because you knew darn well when you scheduled that meeting that I was already booked and if you really wanted me there you would have reached out to me individually to say I really need you there is there anything that you can do right would that be looked as insubordinate by a boss if you don't accept their if they double book you and you don't accept their meaning could that be like like no okay that's a great question because who is scheduling the meeting it depends if your colleague is scheduling the meeting is different than if your boss is scheduling the meeting what if your boss is doing it and they just didn't take the time to look or they feel like because they're the boss they have be hand yeah and that is a conversation that if it was me and my boss double booked me I would I would go right in there and I would be like hey boss um here's what happened here's the situation how do you want me to handle this get an answer from him or her and then also ask is this how you want me to handle it going forward because I'm going to do a whole other we're going to do a whole other thing about how to get promoted okay whole other thing but moving up in the company if that's your goal is to move up in the company then you want your boss your boss is your best Advocate yes of course and so you want to make sure that you're on board and in line with whatever it is that they want you to do so if they want you to ignore everything else and accept their meeting if that's my boss that is exactly what I'm going to do because that's their Direction I report to them and that's the end of it right we don't love it that's what we have to I'm just saying that's what I'm going to do because that's what they said I've never had a boss actually tell me that ever I also don't have bosses that double book me right typically typically mhm I have had a boss double book me and then call and be like I'm so sorry I just double booked you but I had to because blah blah blah blah and I mean yeah it is what it is sometimes that happens sometimes you have emergencies yes that's understandable mhm it is but if you all the time do it you're basic yeah yes that's the answer wow I'm sorry I I'm sorry yeah know it's true because it's disrespectful it is disrespectful the the implication is my time is more important than anybody else's really certainly yours yeah yeah that's not I like it that's not cute it's not it's not cute at all no what else would make a boss basic we have a lot going on about meetings so let's think about other things with meetings being late to a meeting that you schedule oh my gosh being late to a meeting that you scheduled yikes all right well being late to a meeting period is probably not a good look for you a especially if you make a habit of it not good and it also communicates the same thing that you said earlier nobody's time matters only your time matters that is not okay that is rude sorry that is rude but yeah to be late to the meeting that you scheduled that's something else egg on my face that's pretty bad yeah we all have things to do right but and again if it's a onetime occurrence well yes one time we're not going to judge anybody as label them as basic over one time not one time anything but if this is a habit basic very basic or another thing that you could do to battle that if you are going to be late you know you're going to be late cuz you're on another meeting cuz sometimes that also happens unfortunately where you are in the Heat of the Moment In the discussion in the existing meeting so you know you're going to be late to this other one you could ping them or whatever anything or text and just say hey you guys I'm so sorry I'm on this other meeting so I'm running late please forgive me but again it's a one time that's a one time you're not always going to be right in that situation and then if you work for a company you likely you're not the only one that's having meetings so people know this is what happens yeah people will understand I read about a concept where you end five minutes early MH all the time so you never schedule a 30 minute meeting you always schedule a 25 minute meeting mhm have you heard of that before I have heard of it I have heard of it and I have worked with people that quote unquote are doing that however it never actually happened I never saw it happened so like okay the meeting would be scheduled till 11:25 then why are we still talking and it's 11:35 oh like they do it on the calendar but then when the time comes is not like respected okay not keeping time not keeping time if you're late you go over you start late yes basic that happens a lot okay it's not normal no it's not and it's not it's it happens a lot it's just not efficient you know I have a meeting after this yeah I have a pet peeve of that that's a pet peeve of mine but it's it's with everything it's with everything about time the doctor's office the boss everyone my time is just as valuable it needs to be respected if I am to be here at 12 yeah why is it 1:00 and I'm still waiting for you to come out oh my goodness please explain it to me why do you know Jemma's doctor she's so timely I have never seen it and it's pediatric let me just tell you that if a doctor is timely I don't care that if you barely got the diploma if you like barely just made it if you are timely I love you and you will have my business sees get degre let me just tell you the abuse of people's time is something that just really yeah with doctors I I fire doctors left and right for for the time thing I'm sorry I do yeah well they're egregious about it yeah and it's like I get it I get your doctor I get you went to school for how many years I get you have this knowledge that most of us don't have like I get that that's important that's cool but in the same way that I can't show up to my appointment 30 minutes later and be seen it should go both ways that's all I'm saying oh yeah so if you have the audacity to charge me a fee for being late but then you're late you're late and there's no Char and there's no fee no thanks I'm going to charge you a fee exactly oh no heaven forbid heaven forbid that let me tell you no I will fire a doctor quick one time listen one time I'll do it because to our point that we discussing 5 minutes ago and doctors can be in emergencies um so we'll give you Grace for one time MH but if I come to your office and this is a recurrence no thanks we're not doing it you're fired you're fired because there will be another doctor and again maybe they're not even as good as you it's okay they value my time and that is I just appreciate that so much but anyway back to the bosses yes it is it can be an epidemic of people just not keeping time epidemic it's an epidemic it's not right no no CU now you're messing up my entire day and again the implication is your time is most valuable because putting aside my time and your time what about the time that I the person that I have a meeting with next now we're affecting their time yes and you're impeding on their day as well not okay it's disrespectful not okay I think we have a trend get it together yeah the trend it seems to be with the time just be respectful people time there's groups that I've been part of groups mhm okay if if it's an hour oh and it goes and it goes three okay yeah or two yeah I know even with that and I've had to have like again find Grace but even with that I get Restless because in my mind I planned for an hour yeah right and you should be able to hour I planned my day for an hour I told my family I was going to be unavailable for an hour I did everything thinking that it was an hour because you said it was an hour yeah but why is it two yeah every single time or two and a half this is with meetings appointments and if you invite people over yeah even and they show up an hour late is that is that a nice thing to do no because again if you're my host you prepared and plann and segmented your day based on these hours that you were going to graciously devote to us we need to operate within that guideline I have certain people in my life that are on time and certain people that are not on time and so I just kind of I arrive at lunch at the time that I know they're going to arrive at lunch I saw a funny meme yesterday on Instagram that it was like Dominican problems one minute is really 30 minutes in Dominican time um have you heard I'm sure youve heard of like Island time we are perpetually I I you know in in countries like that like time is just whatever it's not it's not in the you know strict economy of time that we have in the US which is you know very organized and great but yeah I I know what you mean but you know how long you generally know how long something is going to take even if you're a doctor you generally are getting the same appointments if you're having a meeting you generally know how long it's going to take and even if you run over there's an additional complication in the midst of the being that you could not have predict did okay guess what you have an opportunity to do honor everyone's Time end the meeting as scheduled and let them know you'll be scheduling another one so they can finish this conversation yes that's the efficient way and so you're being efficient you're respecting and honoring people's time you're allowing them to be efficient and whoever they have a meeting with next you're allowing them to be efficient too it's just it's just better all around okay I'm just I have no tolerance no all right so this is I'm going to do a different one ready ready your boss might be basic if they allow other people to speak negatively about other people all the time how is that even a thing well for example are you saying like I'm in the meeting talking with my boss about someone else that we work with negatively uhhuh and they just allow it how is that even that that's not a thing how is that a thing oh well here's why I know it's a thing could that possibly be a thing oh here's how I know because in my career I've had this wonderful opportunity to take over a lot of different teams because that's what I love to do I love to start something and fix things and okay so many many times this happens to me where I take over a new team so they don't know me I don't know them and their normal go-to is to say hey Megan blah blah blah and there they go They're Off to the Races complaining about Bob Joe or Kate that is their normal now the first first time that you do this to me I will give you an extra minute because I don't know you you don't know me so I'm going to give you a little bit of Grace I'm going to try to interject gently and then I'm going to just State clearly and concisely I understand that you're feeling this way about the but here's how we're going to handle this moving forward and how are we going to handle it moving forward because I do have a question yeah I don't agree with just sitting there talking negatively about a coworker cuz that's it's not okay but I have been in situations where the boss might not have been aware that so and so is not pulling their weight like at all like at all yeah like the work is sitting there and I'm having to do it because they're not doing it oh yes the boss needs to know about that I feel like that's on my list too so so if that's the scenario the scenario is that okay when is it okay to you know we can't sit there and gossip about a person and we can't sit there and just B them but is it okay to tell the boss hey so and so is not is that okay okay so before before we dig in that deeply here's my take on the matter if I have 10 people working for me and Joe's not pulling his weight I am supposed to know that before you even think it that's my job yes I need to know that and address it great point before you even think it great point so I'm talking about this is way ahead of time like you've already thought it you've bed over it you've created some angst in your own self because of it and then you got to the point where you saw nothing was being done about it and then you finally yes so this is like 10 years later you're now at the boiling point of having the um frustration and just the agitation all of it so you're at the point now where you're actually going to voice your concern yes to the boss you probably voice your concern to other people first which does that indicate our boss's B basic if we're getting to that level if we're already at that level yes it does yeah it does now and I'm only saying this because I I don't I'm trying to be nice about this okay but every company has goals our job is to what what is the job what is the goal and in the company you have goals you have measurements and it all breaks down into smaller goals for smaller teams okay and if you are in charge of 10 people or 20 it doesn't matter whatever it is you're supposed to be measuring their work correct that's how you know that's how you know 100% that's how you know I mean who you should be looking at for a promotion for more responsibility for I mean how do you even do a business if you don't know how people are performing you shouldn't be guessing you should know for sure here are the people and here's their performance and it's one thing if you perform low or high over a month that's fine but given six months eight months nine months you should know who your top performers are and who your bottom performers are right and I'm not say it's okay if you are a bottom performer it's okay as long as if you are a bottom performer it has to be addressed that's that's what I'm saying okay you can't be a bottom performer and not be addressed right you can't be both right now if you are a bottom performer consistently I mean there's two there's two reasons a you're not being addressed and so you think it's okay B you have been addressed and you can't do anything to fix it which means you're probably in the wrong rule right and when that's okay too cuz you're probably unhappy with it yes so you need to change anyway okay I I've said a whole bunch of things but the initial question was if your boss is just allowing negative talk and yeah that happens and I know what happens because that's always I don't know why do I have a sign on my face that says you could say anything you want to me because you certainly can't yes people think that well cuz who else are you going to tell to oh no I have a level of Tom foery that I will accept and the line is about here so tell me what is the right response if you don't want to be a basic boss how what how do you address that I'm coming here and I'm like I'm on fire so I'm tired of picking up this SL for so and so they are lazy or whatever choice wordss I have at that moment I'm i' I build up my first response is I'm sorry okay that's good because you shouldn't feel that way right you shouldn't feel frustrated you shouldn't feel helpless you shouldn't be at the point where this has gone on so long that you're bringing it to me because it's my job to know that not yours right it's good that you know it but I should have addressed it a long time ago right so that so sorry is a great start so that's where I start I'm so sorry yes and then I'm going to have to look at it I have to look at the numbers so I have to tell you here's what I'm going to to do Wallace I'm so sorry that you feel this way I'm so sorry that you're frustrated I'm going to go and take a look at the numbers I'm going to assess the situation and I'm going to get back to you on one thing or the other now I can't tell you while so and so's going to get canned no of course can't say that and it's one thing to express a concern of an underperformer example but how do you make it so that someone is not comfortable talking to you the boss negatively about other people so I think there's a difference between complaining and oh negative talk is that what you're saying so like are we complaining about their performance or yeah what do you what do you mean exactly by negative talk CU because you just may not like Joe oh well maybe you just don't like him and you just want to complain oh yeah that's not no that's not what if somebody's just a negative Nelly and they're just they just want a trash talk give give me your answer what say this has happened then what' you say I'm so sorry you feel that way do you have receipts and and again let's just assume that I don't and I just want to talk trash what are you going to say I am not going to have a conversation with you about so and so if you don't have receipts okay that's the end of it okay and we're just not going to talk about them for the fun of it not without receipts we're not because if you want me to fix something I am more than happy to fix said thing I don't want broken things on my team but the boss can't just be your ally for gossiping about the team we are not going to gossip MERS because if you allow yourself to gossip with one person you'll have no trust because if you're gossiping with me about so and so one day you will be gossiping about me with somebody else that's how I'm going to see it mm no but it's 100% it goes for everything when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time you know who said that do you know who said that you quoted her earlier my Angela she's so smart she said believe them the first time it's true some people Le that part out though some people say when someone ches who they are believe them she said believe them the first the first time that's the key yeah don't don't wait until 100 times to believe them it's true anyway it's so true but after a while word gets around and to be fair we don't usually have a whole bunch of complainers I'm going to say the percentage is 10% that's what I'm going say that's good that's good 10% 10% 10% is also the number of people who are probably low performing yes I agree with that oh my gosh did you ever some have somebody just interrupts you all the time I haven't actually basic yeah that's crazy behavior that's craziness and it's for the same reason that you said earlier you just don't respect what they're saying right she just repeatedly interrupt it's one thing to inter I always I will interrupt people on accident but if you're consistently interrupting a person you don't care about what they have to say and you're not listening you cannot possibly be listening cuz you're too busy talking basic I actually heard this guy this psychiatrist say that one of the best things you could do is to be an active listener if you want to build connection yes you are an active listener and he said as silly as it may sound even repeating what people say puts you in the habit of actually instead of thinking while they're talking thinking about the next thing you're going to say which you can't possibly be fully listening and fully thinking about the next thing you're going to say at the same time you can't so he's like talk less listen more and be an active listener and again I know that could sound silly if you're not on a therapist couch but just try to repeat what the person said to them so that they feel heard and that builds connection oh I don't think that's only normal on a therapist couch I think that's good for business I've heard that in business before times time and time again repeat back what they said yes that's really good even in the Navy they do that because when you're repeating it back I'm not only telling you that I heard what you said but you're also giving yourself an opportunity to internalize their yes and even though somebody could be saying something super clear I may hear it differently than what they're saying so repeat it back it gives us the opportunity to make sure we're on the same page page and I heard what you were actually trying to communicate sometimes it's Hur differently I don't know how that happens yeah but you could like almost hear what you think is the intention and that's how you hear it as opposed to what they yeah so repeating it is really good unconscious bias yes we have it through our own lens yes remember I thought that you I had this idea in my head that you you like less salt than I do oh I love salt I was completely why you think I don't know but I really thought that Sal some comment that you made at some point and me and my see biases if you would have repeated it if you would have said to me so when you say that you don't like salt that would have been like no way right no but I just picked it up I put it in my pocket I F it away I didn't even tell you about it I know and then you gave me those few cumbers and you're like oh I put more salt in mine but not in yours because I don't think you like salt and I'm like I am always self-conscious of the amount of salt I put on my thing no way yes since I'm a child I've been putting so much salt in my eggs since of being a little kid need salt I okay so I have a cousin and when we were seven I remember this vividly she told me her mom my aunt who I adore okay does not let her put salt on her eggs and I remember feeling so sad for my cousin cuz she get don't nobody give me an egg without salt this is hilarious I mean to be fair when you're seven you need salt when you're seven I feel like I need salt every day I didn't even know what salt was when I was seven everything makes salt makes everything better and Chef would tell you you could cook something and not put anything else but if you put salt you'll have what you mean yeah oh man you that's why you got to put salt even in sweet things you know with salt in cookies and and cakes and everything everything has a pinch of salt a p I think this is one of those things I didn't want to know I can't even also my taste buds are they're not the same as yours let me tell you that I can taste something and tell you the ingredients one by one I couldn't even begin yeah well we compliment each other yes all right so how do we get to Sal I don't know oh by repeating the things repeat what people say and you know what in the context of a boss I think that is even more important MH because sometimes they can communicate an expectation to you and you don't hear it the way they meant it so repeating okay so this is what you want me to do okay so let me just make sure these are my priorities these are my action items these are my yes I think those are all great worth repeating I had a boss one time that wouldn't give me the goals excuse me then how would you know if you're failing or succeeding yeah it was hard they can't withhold the goals it was hard how about they withhold the goals I don't know I don't know how anyone does but that was the situation so it's happened before in life Wow clarification I think because of what you said before if we don't know the answer our head just fills it up with stuff that's probably not true and probably more negative than it actually is yes and you don't want your people to feel circling back to that book that we were talking about Leaders Eat Last you don't want people to feel stressed because when they're in prolonged stress it gets even worse so it's you just don't want to do it you don't want to do it to your people speaking of you don't feel like you can go to them for for help so your boss might be basic if you don't feeling good at them for help so this is this is a little bit of a touchy subject cuz it's a culture thing I think it could be a culture thing like in what way so normally you would say oh I'm having this problem whatever and you can go talk to your boss and it's no problem but what if you don't feel like it's okay for you to take that problem to your boss yeah you don't feel like it's okay to talk to her because why what if they're part of the problem what if they're part of the problem could be part of the problem or part of yeah part of the decision making process that led to the problem if you feel they're any part of the problem I don't feel you're going to want to bring it to them I've been there before and then you and then you feel helpless because your literal boss it's part of what you what something that you the system you're fighting against yeah and then and then that's it I mean that's a movie okay anyway it's real life yeah it's real life it's real I'm afraid it's real life I wish it was a movie in actually real life or retribution I've seen situations where the boss had a favorite this was not this was not my direct experience this was an experience that was kind of near me I'll say Okay and like the next apartment over so still the same company but next apartment over so I had a little bit of a bird's eye perspective so anyway the boss had allegedly the favorite and so no one else wanted to come to the boss because the favorite was a problem for them but they didn't want to tell the boss because it was the boss's favorite yes drama yes such drama yes that happened to me before I was in a and that situation is probably still in place right now to this day I had a boss that had that one of it was like friends with one of the co-workers and it was like boys club but the person happened to be Lois performer the friend of the uhhuh so the rest of us were we just we kind of United like it was us versus them and it was awful and it happened it just so happened that it was the boss and another male and then three or four females so it was like we were divided in that way and that that honestly felt worse because we felt like we just couldn't be sexist sexism we felt like we're never going to be his favorite in that way no cuz you're a girl we're girls and they do boy stuff and they talk about boy games and whatever they were talking about and they were like it was the boss and and his favorite that happened to be the low performer so what were we supposed to do we know we couldn't say anything that's an exact situation where you feel like you cannot approach your boss for a problem we couldn't we couldn't we knew that it was a loss cause so we just had to do it because if he's a low performer that means y'all doing the work exactly so we were mad the whole time we were so mad we were we were so mad because we're sitting literally doing the work well then we see the boss and the person walking back from a break laughing hysterical about jokes that they've been telling each other well the the work that they're supposed to be doing yes this was real life no this was real life for years no yep so bad we just had to deal with it okay so that yes basic basic yes and in that moment the low performer yes he was like the pain but we didn't hold The Grudge so much I don't think against him but against the boss that was letting it happen because it's the boss's responsibility yeah well I mean we started with that your job is to know the numbers before your people do yes because okay well this is probably not the same in in every company but most of the time the people have insight to the their own numbers and the boss has insight to all the people's numbers right so you don't really know like you don't see Joe's twos that he's putting up you're putting up eights you don't see his twos you kind of feel like it's a two in this case we saw oh so you knew for sure that's even worse saw it and it was so much worse and we would be telling things like we would be told things like so and so is not going to be fully engaged um today or this week because they're going through like something and I'm like well I'm going through something but I'm fully engaged I'm bringing my whole self to work oh did you ever try to have that conversation and say I'm going through something and I'm not full going to be it felt like it again it wasn't okay it it it wasn't it wasn't it just wasn't that's too bad it was but it's okay I mean it is what it is okay well the last one is we kind of touched on this already but if you just you don't know that you're doing a good job and so this this goes back to the whole the standard like what you were saying about clarifying expectations I need to know what you need from me do you need me to do ABCD or abcf right because whatever it is that you want me to do I want to make sure I'm doing it because I'm an overachiever also I want to be your favorite yes it's like a thing for me yeah okay me too I have an issue yeah and in order to get to that status I need to know what you need yes and I'm not afraid to ask but I do need you to be able to tell me yeah and on the other side of that once I've asked and once I've done it then it is nice for you to tell me that I am doing what you want me to do mhm or not yeah as it may be yeah yes yeah I always feel like it's always on to the next thing I don't know do you ever feel like you just get the feeling that you're doing a good job because the expectations were clear the boss said ABC you did ABC and then you just knew like she gave you the nod or um I do think you just know but it is also nice to I think be told directly be told directly yeah another thing I've seen happen is I heard my boss was in another this was another a different boss but also a really good boss she I heard that she was in another meeting talking about me about all the good that I had done I was not in that meeting I was never going to know but it got around that's nice that is nice that's a good example about talking about someone behind their back in a good way because they know they eventually will find out yes and that was a just a good example of of and I already knew she I already thought she was a good boss as it was but that was just more evidence yeah that is a great thing to do mhm okay well that's all I had do you have anything else don't be basic don't be basic we want we need more from you bosses you're people need you I'm hoping that all of these things that I don't know I don't know what to say I I don't want to be mean no we're trying to make people better yeah we want people to be better um Craig relle says when the leader gets better everyone gets better yeah so yeah we want people to be better please please please do it you all right well that's it for today thank you for listening today and also hey do you want to be a part of the show call or text 864 6191 1683 to share your story and we will get into it about all the things that went wrong and another thing we want to hear from you about your own ideas was there something that you thought should have made the basic list yes let us know I'm sure there is I'm sure there is you know what that would be a fun list to read through tell us everything type in the YouTube comments and let us know what we did not mention and listen friend we know it's not easy but remember that whatever it is you're walking through You are not alone and together we can make the world a better place to work thanks for listening team take care and see you next week bye bye