Deck the Halls, Not Your Colleagues

Styrofoam plates were like the worst possible type of Styrofoam I mean it's like the great value of all great values that's just what happened I don't I don't know I wasn't in try like Dollar Store foam plates that don't really like you need two of them cuz it's not the foam is not foaming that's exactly that's exactly the caliber I'm talking about B why oh no see now that I will not show up for I'm sorry excuse me I go to that party one time next year I'm not coming hey there friends and welcome to becoming a boss where we take some time each week to talk with someone who is wrestling with a specific situation at work I'm your host Megan and today we finally got Wallace back in the house hello be back we are going to talk about today a problem you might not even know you have t the season for office holiday parties and we to give you wo hopefully some helpful tips and tricks to navigate this season successfully yes what do you think is the absolute worst thing that you can do like at the office holiday party okay I think there's I have a couple of things that could be tied for top worst but I'm just going to go out and say I think the worst thing you could do is drink too much oh that was one I had we are so in tune SYM all right great mind yeah that's what I had um drinking too much I feel like typically at the office the holiday office party you're going to have drinks there depending on where you work but I think it's pretty typical yes and you cannot do it you should probably have one drink mhm and that's probably it that's probably it and make sure you eat because sometimes even that one drink I mean if you're like me one drink can sometimes do it so you got to eat make sure you eat before you get there yes but yeah yes do not overd drink also like don't hit on anyone especially if they're married oh my word please this has happened please don't do it this has happened that's really bad wait were you the married one no no no I was not the married one or the person doing the hitting on but yes this has happened uh yeah okay yeah don't hit on married people at the work party and don't drink too much at the work party also don't make inappropriate jokes o that's on my list too although I think that is a good number one and number two so don't drink too much don't hit on somebody especially married people and don't say inappropriate jokes yeah I had just watch your mouth because just because you're at the Holiday office party does not mean it's a party party no there's kitchen talk and then there's office work party talk and yeah that's that's not it I would avoid religion and politics just like the bar yes I would AO avoid religion and politics at all costs M let's not talk about work too much let's not talk gossip about co-workers let's not talk about the boss yes for crying out loud you're hitting all the things okay well here's the thing you the people who are hosting the party are not their intention is not for you to be there talking about work you're already talking about work all day long all day long so Break Free of that break free of that and what a great opportunity to get to know your co-workers without having a deadline or without it being a meeting or without it having to be transactional here's an opportunity to get to know the people you work with yeah so I would say one of the things if you have a highly if you have a highly engaged team the people on it are collaborating and they're close yes relationally they have dug Roots they have been in the trenches together they know each other's families they know about each other's families this this is like a normal high functioning team so if you don't have already a high functioning team the holiday party at the office would be a great opportunity for you to dig and maybe you're not going to dig all those root in one night but you could begin to dig them or dig a little bit or like dig a little little bit further and just kind of find out next level what is going on right with the person that you sit next to every day right we would hope we would hope okay sometimes parties are not conducive to that though I love when an office party has like either a theme or a game or some opportunity built in mhm to kind of foster conversations and and Foster that yeah cuz sometimes people can tend to either just talk to the same person they always talk to the one person they feel comfortable talking to or if it's a party where you bring your spouse sometimes people just hang out with their spouses and not try to hang out with the other people so I like when a party has some kind of element like an interactive element mhm so like old old job I had we used to do like a not secret Santa like a white elephant type thing to where everybody gets a gift and then you had like numbers or something like it was on the spot you weren't like giving to someone you just bought a gift you brought a gift under a dollar amount or whatever and then at the party we would draw numbers or something to the order of like picking of the gift EXA and then someone could steal your gift I think it's a white elephant I'm describing you're absolutely right so something like that it whether you like it or not like you're interacting you end up interacting with people and even you know the person you don't know but now you see that gift that they just open and you want it like you want that blanket you're going to anyway it it Fosters like community community camaraderie just like you know now you're joking back and forth at this one party somebody brought a Chia pit and that was just like the funniest thing nobody wanted to end up with the Chia pit so it was so but that was hilarious and then the guy that brought the Chia pit everybody was like climbing him the whole rest of you're like you the guy with the CH like it was so anyway those OP I like where there's an element that is conducive to camaraderie and stuff like that otherwise it's I think easy for people to stay in their shell and just talk to the same people they always talk to yeah so I agree with you and I had that on the list of if you are actually in charge of the party here are some things that you could do yes and and that is one of the things although do you have any other examples of because see you're right here's what's going to happen if if you don't do anything they're going to come and then they're going to eat and then they're going to leave which is not what we recommend we do not recommend that you dine and dash no at the work no not at all because you're kind of disrespecting the intentions of the leader the party planner the organizer you know you're just kind of stepping all over it plus let's be honest the people we work with we spend sometimes more time than with our own fames so I think it's in everybody's best interest to know people that you work with and for them to know a little bit about you right so that is the opportunity so you are defeating the whole purpose if you go and either keep to yourself or just D and dash and I think it also brings when you see a person in a different context it helps to bring perspective that you may not otherwise have received correct and I think that's helpful sometimes because you may be wondering why Joanie is always right out the door at 5:00 and you're like well she's a slacker she's right out the door at 5:00 every single day she never stays late they are always offering overtime she never takes the overtime and then in conversation with her at the office party you find that she actually has an elderly mother that she has to run home to take care of and that's why she has to leave exactly at 5:00 to make it in time to give her her medicine and so it's just like little things like that you don't know and we accidentally sometimes we accidentally make these assumptions about people and we're not trying to do it on purpose but sometimes that happens if we don't have any other information our brains will fill in the Gap correct and it doesn't always fill it with the best things correct another thing that I think it's good I think where I don't I can't remember where I saw this but there were little questions at the table where we were seated yes I love that little like Icebreaker questions for you to ask people so that's really good cuz people sometimes don't feel comfortable initiating conversation with someone they haven't had like personal conversation with before MH so so these little questions I thought were great so having something like that where it's easy somebody doesn't have to think about it you don't have to feel awkward cuz you don't know what to say it's already there for you and it's you know harmless conversation starters mhm and other little games that are kind of like that but don't require a whole lot of effort or a whole lot of what's the word I don't know competitiveness I feel like sometimes if you get me playing a certain game we like I could end up losing friends because I'm just like I want to win I will people down yeah maybe not something so heavy but maybe not something so heavy but definitely questions I think the white elephant is like almost a no-brainer and you said you know you you make it budget friendly cuz it's not about the gift it's about the experience and the fun and I think that could be a lot of fun I like that something that is not necessarily traditional but I happen to love is when and i' I've seen that not a lot but maybe a couple of times when part of the party or like even at the end or at the beginning is something that involves Outreach you know I know it's a little bit more complicated but okay we're going to write cards for yes the elderly home we're going to write cards for for teachers for whatever we're going to we're going to wrap presents for whatever you know things like that that get people together and that you're working together with someone it's packing things is great I know we just did that at church and I know that may not be feasible for everyone but they just did that at church where after I think it was Vision night where we had backpacks was it or something no it was Thanksgiving like meal kits that we were packing for people in the community and that was so much fun it's like okay and and the table who finishes first get you know is the winner you don't get anything you're just the winner you get bragging rights and that was really cool things like that I don't know I like that that's really good I love that I like when a company takes pride in having a positive impact in the community and so I love when a holiday party can be like can capture that right I agree with you 100% I would not have thought about that on my own cuz I've never I I like that a lot never in my life have I experienced that at a holiday party but all right we may not agree on this are you ready uh here's another one and I'm I'm firm I'm firm on it oh gosh she's firm you have to show up at the Holiday party meaning like you can't skip it you can't skip it oh I've never skipped one I would not I like I've never skipped one okay if you're having a party I'm going not that typ okay well here's the thing some of us introverts want to stay at home because we are already around people all day long and so we really have had enough at that point however my argument is if you are a boss you have got to and I'm saying if you're a boss like if you're an actual boss or if you're trying to be a boss or whatever if you're a boss you got to show up for your people you have to show up for them yes you're setting an example of what it oh yeah you can't you can't not go to the party you cannot what example are you setting yeah and the the people that are around you they know you're an introvert probably so they know that you don't necessarily want to be in big crowds but you're there but you're there and that says something and it says something yes exactly yes so yeah show oh you have to you have to and yeah people may say this or that it listen it's a couple of hours MH it's a literally a couple of hours out of the thousands of hours that we have in a year MH yeah work you got to show up all right so this is one that is one of my favorites it's happened multiple times I've seen dress appropriately oh for everything there was a classic come on just I don't know what to call it it was like an ensemble but there was mostly skin involved in the outfit oh and it was the holiday party no we got to read the room where are we going yeah I mean it was fancy but was it work appropriate no it was not work appropriate see I think people think that especially when the party is not at the office the party is like either at someone's house like sometimes it's like at the boss's house or sometimes it's at a restaurant or sometimes it's at whatever and I think people think because we're not at the office we could dress like we're going to the club but we're not going to the club we're still with our co-workers correct so here's what you can wear you can wear what they said to wear so if they so if they said business cash yes then Biz cash it is and one probably baby tip is you probably don't want to be underdressed you don't want to be underdressed and another rule of thumb is if you're questioning it don't wear it if you're wondering I wonder if this is appropriate don't wear it answer it's not it's not if if that thought is crossing your mind it is likely not put it back on the rack put it back wear it with your girlfriends or wherever you wear it not not for the no mhm later that night even later that night even yes yes that is so important okay so that's a big one what else so here's what we have you have to show up don't drink too much dress appropriately watch your mouth watch your mouth don't dine and dash don't dine and dash cuz that time is is set to do more than just feed you right how do you feel about bringing spouses to the party if it's cuz I've seen it both ways where it's just office people allowed and then where you can bring your spouse some people get divided with this because some people feel if you bring the spouse then we're not interacting then you're just going to be with your spouse or you're going to feel like you have to entertain the spouse yeah how do you feel about that okay so I it depends my answer is it depends and here's the reason why it depends because some companies are family integrated and some companies are not so I'll give you an example my husband works for the church it is very much a family job the people are my friends the things that we do we obviously go to church on Sunday we have Bible study on Monday it's it's very much a family thing and so in that environment it would be weird not to have spouses correct that's true however in previous environments where the team was a lot bigger hundreds of people people even it's just not that intimate of a relationship with the people that are at the office so it's definitely not going to be intimate with the 300 people SP it's just going to be a mess and although it's nice to have a nice night out it's more a question of what is your intention because if all you're trying to do is feed everybody a nice meal and then have a couple drinks and go home then that's cool but there's nothing that's going to really support building the relationship which I think is really what we want to do right yeah that's a good one I guess I wasn't thinking about it in that large of a scale but yeah I can see how that can get tricky but we've done both actually you know what so Justin came to a holiday party with me when it was a really really big environment but my team was small at that time I only had maybe 10 eight people so we were all at the same table together oh that's nice so that was actually nice because he knew all the people so he knows Ruth is Jasmine is D and he just knew about their lives Lori Beth her husband their kid their situation their H like all the things because we were in close connection so I think it just depends on the situation because we've also been to holiday party was not not like that it's just so big you get lost in a SE yeah H interesting I actually haven't been to a holiday work party in many many years now that I think about it so yeah I think are they phasing out do I feel like they're they I feel like they are and actually I just saw a friend that posted about her husband's work party and she said I'm grateful that this company still does this yeah and I know the company she works for has not done them in years just I I think yeah some companies feel like after they get to a certain size it's like weird like what do you even do and is it cost effective and should we use this money can we use this money and sometimes I've heard people be like don't give me a holiday party I want the bonus you know so yeah but I think with the work remote stuff and just I feel like work parties are different at the very least yeah so I so I also made a list of if you're the organizer MH what tips could we give all right and so you already gave a few but one of the things that you just reminded me of is so pretend it's a smaller company and you have a small team and you maybe don't have that budget to go by the Yeah you know the clubhouse at the end of the road well if that's the case it is always more intimate when you're at a person's house like you had mentioned and I've done that the bosses to open their home or maybe a team lead like opens their home to their small team I think that's really great because you can spend money on really good food yes and then the people actually have time and then you can facilitate the evening to be more intentional with building those relationships that we talked about yes and I wonder if your friend that she enjoys the holiday parties I wonder what their holiday parties are like you have to tell me later like is are they intentional about like why does she enjoy them so much is my question that's interesting yeah I think like knowing her and knowing myself I think you enjoy going and I think that the holiday party almost feels like a little bit of like a reward for a job well done and I think people like that and I know her husband is in sales I know he travels a lot I know he's gone a lot I think for somebody like that so at the end of the year we're coming to this party I know like this party is involved they do Awards they do all the things and they do Awards and they do recognition and they do all that and it's like it's got to be nice especially for a wife who's shared her husband all year with this company with this job and he's away and he's doing this and now you're like this is your little reward you're at this party you're being fed good food and drinks and there's rewards and there's music and there's and I think you feel like this is my little share of yeah of a reward for a job well done right I like that I've not I've not thought about it from that perspective that's what it always felt like to me like okay we worked really hard all year and we're celebrating we're celebrating that we worked really hard together this year and we did good I've never ever ever thought about it like that really huh for me it's been this is what you have to do oh I'm kind of an introvert I I get that I think that's why yeah I just I love the I I don't know the jury still out if I'm an introvert or not I can't decide you could be both and I think you yes you can be both and I think it's also could be circumstantial because I know that I can be in a group of people where I will not say anything or feel like you know but then I'm with a group of people like I can't stop I mean when I'm with you I can't stop talking so I mean you're talking to the world right now oh gosh so I don't know I I don't know so I can be both here's what I know and I think I'm leaning a little even more toward introvert as I get older because I'm recognizing what fills up and when I need to recharge and when if I'm out of gas and you're like Megan what like girl you need to get it together what do I think about I need to do I need to be by myself that's what I think about I need to be by myself with my books or music on a walk but I need to just but you wouldn't you wouldn't guess that because one of around people I I have no problem talking to people it's not a problem for me it's just I don't know I always feel like it can certainly be draining especially when you're like just having transactional conversation that's what it is okay that's what I was trying to put my finger on because if weren't having a conversation we're actually solving problems or moving forward or just I don't know having intentional conversations it just means so much more to me yeah I can see if we're just like complaining about the weather like I don't I can see that and that is why those little questions at the table or wherever are really helpful and because that can break those barriers and initiate something that's not necessarily transactional even though it may start like that and it may just be like that there's somebody you may approach with a question trying to have a whole conversation and they're like not having it and that's okay but yeah I think the holiday party I don't know it always felt like an opportunity for me to dress cute and see people in a different light I mean shoot we used to drive from Florida for the volunteer holiday party a whole 9 hours just just to see the people and I don't know I I'm about the holiday party yeah I am about the holiday party interesting mhm okay one more thing if we are trying to help the organizer oh yes okay here I I will say this about the organizer because on the on the flip side we're telling people not to drink too much I would say that the organizer it is okay to have limit oh it is okay to have a limit you need to have a limit cuz some people can have a limit we got to help people help themselves uhuh so it is okay to have a limit about the alcohol I don't even think it's okay I think it's it's it's necessary I think so it's necessary I think you should put your foot the danger comes when there isn't so not everybody can you would think people can handle it not everybody can unfortunately no I've seen that go wrong so many times yes you know there's a world Cruise right now going on and it's 9 months and I heard this lady make this joke of like it's all drinks included all of the drinks you can have all of the drinks that you want all day every day for 9 months and so and she was saying she brought up a really good point that there are people that may not know Megan is like you should see Megan's face right now and she's like no way yeah think about that so she's like there are people that may not even know that this could lead them down a path they don't want to go down but they don't know because they've never had an open bar for N9 months yeah that's happening right now they s sit sail December 6th returning September of 2024 they're going to 66 countries I am I am following let's just say I'm following this Cru I don't want to get us off track here but I am following the journey very very closely because I am fascinated and people are doing it with their whole families there are people on this boat homeschooling and working full-time cuz you have all the internet there are people homeschooling the cruise line took a survey I can't yeah it's it's insane there are people doing it with their husbands people doing it with their parents people doing it at like sister it's and tell me that's not going to be interesting being trapped in the speciel for 9 months yaa sister with with an open bar no with the open bar I just don't so anyway they're going run out of liqu not everybody can have an open bar is is the point okay that's the end of the story is strongly suggested to drink requirements yeah to drink maximum to drink maximum I would say yes cuz I mean what the who what are we trying to do here what are we trying to accomplish right all right I had a note to provide an elegant setting depending on your company if possible we already talked about if you cannot you don't have that type of budget you could possibly have somebody open their home but I just want to I have been at dinner where some of my colleagues had never had dinner with a cloth napkin before we're not all from the same place right we're not and if you can and you're in a company that can afford that then provide a nice dinner now let me ask you this since you said about that good food do you think it makes the person that's never had dinner with a cloth napkin on comfortable in a way because they feel like it could it be too fancy for someone not used to that could they make could they feel like Fish Out of Water like oh this is too elegant for me type thing I think it depends the Gap I think it does depend the Gap yeah you got to read the crowd I think right you got to know your people yeah you're right so elegant dinner and I'm saying elegant dinner but that can be taken a lot of different ways if you have a whole bunch of food on display that I've never seen before I'm going to be uncomfortable too right and I'm sure that that's very possible so I think it depends however in this particular scenario it was not so far-fetched because a lot of the people were on their way up they had cloth napkins in their future it was like this is you know what I mean it was just like that interim okay so yeah I think the goal should be to make it as nice as you possibly can it should be special for me special this is special as special as you can and if if as special as you can is you know Barbecue on plates from Sam's that's cool because it's a special if you can do it and I'm saying that I've worked for very small companies and for very big companies right and and so I've seen like both and as long as you make it as nice as you can make it I I want it to feel special I I don't want it to feel like yeah I want it to feel special otherwise I don't really see the point it's got to be special right well here's the thing so yeah maybe it's not about the napkin okay first of all the food has to be good can we that it has to be good it has to has to be good yeah and again that will vary like I'm not necessarily I mean I've had dinners where it's like you know Lobster and and crab cloths and stuff like that which I adore but that's not for everybody and not everybody can afford that right and then I've had it where it's just been you know barbecue or even like pizza and salad but it's nice and there's like a fabulous dessert table or something like I don't know you can make it nice just make it nice make it nice make it nice I guess that's what I'm saying because I was a little jaded because a company that had plenty of money to go around but then the party was on I'm saying Styrofoam plates and it's not doing it justice because the don't know I wasn't Dollar Store foam plates that don't really like you need two of them cuz it's not the foam is not foaming that's exactly that's exactly the caliber I'm talking about why B why I don't know I was not Jed oh no see now that I will not show up for I'm sorry excuse me I go to that party one time next year I'm not coming I'm sorry I'm not coming and that would be valid I'm not showing up okay the no show rule is going to be Nolan voy if there's styrofoam plays that I need to double up no no no styrofoam is one thing I need to double them up you lost me I'm just saying like why you do it if you can't do it then don't now if it's a picnic at the park and we're playing ball or something but the holiday party and I dressed cute and I got a babysitter or whatever I and no say it again not doing it sorry what was the point of that yeah that's my question was there like a big bonus handed at the door like did we see where the money went if we ate these blades we don't know see now that to me is borderline insulting because if you know again if it's like a small company and you don't have money I'm not going to judge you because guess what if you're a small company and you don't have a big budget and you still want to do a little holiday party for us to get together I respect that and I'm going to show up and I'm going to bring some plates if we need to like that's cool I'm good with that let's do a potluck that's okay if you're really cool with the people you work with I'm completely okay with that yeah but if we know that you have a big budget and you giving me foone plates I'm going to feel not appreciated right and so that's what I'm saying like you were saying earlier it has to be nice because you're trying to make them feel appreciated yes so if you show up and you're getting the double punk what are we going to call this double foam it just doesn't feel right no I could have stayed home for this I didn't need to put on this dress and do curl my hair there more and leave my kids with a babysitter and the food was bad no no it's not no okay no cuz now you're costing me money sometimes people have to pay a babysitter babysitter yeah unless you have like a built-in one like babysits aren't free like yeah if you're not leaving the kids with like your mom or something and you have to pay for that yeah and if you paid for an Uber to get there or something uhuh don't get stop with the Uber it's not good now you're costing me money now I'm going to be mad if that's the case then lift the two drink rule yeah I'm going to be mad exactly exactly yeah no it's just I don't know I don't like the intention behind that mhm yeah it just didn't feel R all right so I think that's a wrap do you have anything else that you wanted to add so I feel like we went over the dos and don'ts just yeah I just it needs to be fun it needs to be entertaining there should be some form of entertainment either it's music either we're going to play a game or we're going to there something I like the game idea and the reason why is because not that it even has to be a white elephant because if you don't have the I mean that's you know $51 $15 whatever but I'm saying if I want to have the engagement of the people yes that's the goal to celebrate what we've done for the year and then also to build on the relational Equity that we have already built correct so if you're not doing that then we should all just go home right right there's no point I could stay home I'm so harsh I need to be nicer okay that's it for today thank you for listening hey what a timely message that we got right holiday office party right in time yeah cuz that's going to be happening like right now yeah happening right now perfect timing thank you all for listening hope that helped you you do you want to be part of the show you can call us text us 864 6191 1683 to share your story and we will get into it about what the leader should have done differently and also who are you thinking about during this episode hit that button and share it with a friend of yours so that you can have one more thing to talk about this week and another thing we want to hear from you about your own holiday office party W yes please so type it in the YouTube comments if you had a really good experience with your holiday office party or a really bad a really bad one I I'm almost more curious about those no but really I want to know all of it tell us everything yes and listen friend we know it's not easy but remember that whatever it is you're walking through You are not alone and together we can make the world a better place to work thanks for listening team take care and see you next week on book