BaB Updates: What's Really on Your Mind?

whatever you're about to say next is racist yes it is so and the people around you that hear you say that they know did it's they know they know generally speaking I'm shaking my head if someone says that I'm shaking my head and frankly don't bother please don't talk to me I don't want I don't want to hear the rest of what you have to say look I'm like be open and then I'm like don't talk to me yeah no I don't I don't want to hear it be open also I'm completely closed to this conversation I got a hey there friends and welcome to becoming a boss where we take some time each week to talk about a specific situation at work I'm your host Megan and today I'm back with my lovely friend waita hello hello hello so listen if you've been following along you know that we already talked about some different things and we have stories that are kind of out there and pending so we want to Circle back let's Circle back we're doing a circle back episode run it back and we're going to do updates I like updates so we need to know where the cruise people are we have oh the cruise people holiday party updates yes um something else so it's going to be fun but first I tell you a story tell me a story I love stories story time so Gemma was sick for a few days okay we get to the point where she's lethargic oh no she is unresponsive and you know she's very blah blah she's very out there so for her to be unresponsive was I mean her temperature was high she was walking into walls oh my gosh okay and let's tell the people how it gemi is G is three for context okay gem is three not supposed to be walking in walls any right no no and she's very uh what's the word you know coordinated she is very coordinated C and throw okay all that to say we called the T do yes tedoc confirms we should take her in so that scares us even more because T do says take her in so we take her in so we get there the nurse takes us back Dr Smith comes in does these checks right checks for this checks for that checks for this and tells us what's going on you know blah blah all right so time out we're going to do this ready you have to give me three adjectives really quick what Dr Smith looks like ready go Dr Smith is um he's tall uhhuh he has good hair okay and he has a mustache okay I don't know if that's an adjective okay um mustachian sure okay well here's the game before I tell you the rest of the story in my mind the person was like oh Dr Smith's about to come in uhhuh and like you I assumed Dr Smith would be a male uhhuh white uh-huh for sure and older yes and I didn't really I didn't see the mustache thing the reason that I'm saying this is because our brains this is what I learned our brains have this unconscious bias yes okay it's not a bad thing it's a human thing it's a human thing yeah and the reason that our brains do it is because it wants to uh save time so that we can make decisions faster which is really good when you're running from a lion because you have to make quick decisions but when you're leadership and you have these assumptions in your head oo she brought it there wow yeah so there's ways we can fight this I'm going to give you one two three I don't know how many I'm going to give you okay one is well okay this was not my invention of a game Jem is fine by the way um and of certain okay but wait can I know if Dr Smith how close or far were they from my so Dr Smith was a young black female okay amazing so I was nowhere near all right so okay how do we fix ourselves from thinking like that so here's number one number one take two seconds and imagine the situation before you walk in okay whatever the situation is and then take two more seconds and reimagine H so I'm going to see Dr Smith Dr Smith might be an order we male with a mustache or Dr Smith might be a young black female so to reimagine and by the way this game is from a lady who is way smarter than me okay she played this game on TED Talk it was awesome I'll send you the link and she's trying to explain that you shouldn't try to act like you don't have bias in there because we all do it's literally part of our brain processing so it's in there it helps us make decisions faster it's not a bad thing but you have to acknowledge it right because it has a Time in a place right and if we don't acknowledge it we can't change it right and if he ain't growing you're dying thank you all right so my number one is to reimagine that's what the lady said number two watch a TED Talk this lady would be a good one of them to watch three read a book cuz there's lots about I mean in the spirit of MLK junr Day right between the world in me was one of my favorite books it was also sad I it was sad yeah um because he's writing a letter to his son I have a hard time with that I have a hard time yeah I have a hard time and it was one of these books I think it I think it might have been that one it might have been how to be an anti-racist but one of these books is what I realized this is really I this is what broke me down okay when I realized that the mother of uh black son or daughter has to make a choice are you going to send your kid into the World unprepared and act like there's no racism or are you going to prepare them for the world that they live in thus perpetuating the very system that we're trying to fight against wow that's an impossible situation to be in it is which is why I'm I'm still like that's an impossible situation to be in it is there's like no solution and I was I was just so angry yeah I don't envy that position and it's not even just um if you're black I mean people of color all types of people it's okay I yeah I mean yeah I don't I don't want to compare or pretend it's in the same vicinity but I had to when my son started driving and stuff I had to tell him like look just m he's a little darker cuz he's he's he's not he's not a white male mhm right he is not a white male right period right and that's the trick and that's the trick and so I just wanted him to be aware like mhm you know a cop may or may not but just just be prepared just be prepared and don't like be extra be extra respectful be extra on the on the positive side right because we need anything in our favor that we can possibly have right cuz ODS may already be tilted yes you know so just be extra respectful extra courteous extra mindful extra hands shown if you need extra extra yeah and you hate that you have to explain stuff like that but you do because that's the only way to protect them you don't ever want to tell a child or a kid or anybody you don't I like the thought just the thought of making a kid at any age at any stage aware that the world is not this kind Rosy place that like that's devastating cuz it's like you know children come to the world with innocence and you know they don't know hate or or malice or anything like that so I feel like mhm that is the the painful part of that is that in protecting them you're also kind of making them jaded in a way and and I don't know I yeah I hate safe but safe H or not safe hopefully safer yes just by preparing them because I mean my friend was telling me my um young black man friend has a son and you have to explain no you have to you have to what to do it's a process this this this has to all happen if you get pulled over yeah all right well well now that we're sad I know I'm sorry let me tell you something that's uh okay okay so wait so what was the other way besides reimagining what are the other things we're doing watch a t talk read book watch a t talk read a book and do you have a and the the book was can you remind us do you have the suggestion B oh yeah I can put it in the but I read a series of books in a row so I think the sequence of them helped me to identify a trend but between the world and me was really impactful and how to be an anti-racist and the other one I think is a movie it's called the hate you give MH and that one because I read it and I was like I think I've seen this it's a movie after yeah so I'll put the I mean but it really doesn't it's I'm not saying this is what you need to do I'm saying be open yes to change and I mean that in every context because if you want to become a boss you have to learn right you have to learn period and you have to continue to learn because it's an it's an everchanging world yes and I I think being open is a great way of Waring it because you know if you don't if you're not open to the fact that maybe you do have unconscious bias that because people want to say and and maybe they think oh I don't see color oh I don't think like that oh I don't oh my best friend is black oh it doesn't mean that you're not biased towards a certain way of thinking and just be open to the fact that there's other ways and there's other thoughts and people are having different experiences yeah I listened separately to this lady talk about brain function and it was incredible and she also was talking about unconscious bias because you don't know it's there it's not on the front operating system it's on the back end and the reason it's there like I said is to save us time so that we can make decisions faster well guess what the world that we live in today is moving really really fast so we have to make decisions quicker but back in the day we were hunting for food right which took a lot of time so our brains evolved from that to this which is good because look how far we've come but it's also like you have to be able to take a minute and take into consideration somebody else's opinion right and so that's kind of what she was talking about if you just slow yourself down and think things through for your own self instead of just oh that's another thing you can do check your feed see what you're eating mhm because it's called a feed for a reason right is your whole feed all the same color do they all look exactly right the same because if you are you're getting one view just one View and one experience and let me find out if Instagram and Facebook knows you better than you know you you okay also one more thing while I'm on one if you ever say not you cuz you would never say this but if you if a person ever says I'm not a racist but that's no NOP no Noe I promise you whatever you're about to say next is racist yes it is so and the people around you that hear you say that they know that it's they know they know generally speaking I'm shaking my head if someone says that I'm shaking my head and frankly don't bother please don't talk to me I don't want I don't want to hear the rest of what you have to say look I'm like be open and then I'm like don't talk to me yeah no I don't I don't want to hear it and also I'm completely closed to this conversation okay okay okay this is a great subject though because I get really upset when the world kind of gets in a tizzy about something somebody famous did all right and here's why I get in a tizzy about it every day now it's okay to talk about if you're just trying to talk about stuff however we can't live our lives this way because guess what you don't know her right you don't know her no so do you really have a say in how she lives her life because you don't know what she's been through You Don't Know Her trauma you don't like no you don't know at all so here's your job okay your job is to keep me in check cuz I'm your friend and you have your own people around you right and I have people around me and we're that's our job is to help keep each other on track with love yes because we want to care for each other and help each other and encourage each other out love and you can't do that to a person you don't know no why do we even care what somebody says who's over there you don't know me no and they don't care what we have to say either just but like what do you are you talking about like Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift kind of thing or like CU people are so invested in that or oh my gosh I love that me too or or do you or are you talking about like different things I mean in general I think people get in a in a tizy about stuff that they really don't need to be in a tizzy about yeah that's true like just be quiet just be quiet um okay holiday party oh gosh we had some people who said some stuff yeah so if you recall I thought you were going to disagree with me on this on which one on the holiday party I was like you have to go that was you have to yeah no I'm a I'm a I I like attending events yeah well guess what so here's what some people commented mhm do I have to go if my boss has been borderline inappropriate with me oh and I'm not sure how I'd feel comfortable in an almost non-w work setting so I said absolutely no in that case absolutely not in that case no but also why do you where's HR where's HR you know HR is non-existent in some environments I think we all know that yes oh yes so in that case no absolutely not there's always exceptions to every rule there is so be open be open and also use your nogin I mean take your experiences add them all up ask people around you that you trust don't go on Facebook and ping it somewhere okay so anyway yeah yeah and then also consider do you want to work there yeah also for you also no no that's toxic and not good abusive and it's not good so yeah in that case no you're excused okay another one so here's the scenario the holiday party they weren't allowed to bring their spouses unless they have kids so this person excuse me what do you mean unless they have kids yeah unless they had kids cuz they did like a gift thing with the kids and so the person felt what does the spouse have to do with the gift with the kids why can't the spouse come without a kid I I don't understand that rule and thus I'm not following yes so it I'll tell you what happened I'm guessing of course I don't know I'm guessing that a small organization used to have 10 employees okay and of the 10 employees they had three families eventually had kids and it was like a kid party like they invite the kids they sit on Santa's lap they get presents well that's cute but what if someone else wants to come and they don't yet have kids why can't my husband just sit there yes so that was the person's yeah yes but that company is ridiculous yes that why can't the husband come mhm let the husband come is the real answer but this person is not in charge of the company obviously she's saying so do I have to go that's a tough one oh that's a tough one because I like attending but I would definitely want to attend with my spouse I and more than somebody telling me don't bring him is is the reason that reason doesn't make any sense to me I'm not getting it um yeah well that well if she doesn't have Clarity on that idea then that means they didn't do a good job they didn't do a good job of explain communicating it so ah wow that's a tough one because I want to come with my spouse but I wonder if there's a way of compromising also what if she can't have kids no it's crazy that rule is just crazy because it's alienating and and you're going to make people feel weird it's like a lawsuit too what if somebody can't or won't what if somebody just won't what if somebody is just not called to be a mom a parent and they have chosen to do something different we're not going to villainize them or make them feel othered like you don't belong here no I nobody should go to this party I'm sorry I can't I can't go to this party I'm sorry and also you should if you didn't already just maybe say that that's not a good policy no I would I would at least at the very least ask clarifying questions because this policy is not sitting right right with me help me understand I I it's this not sitting right with me I'm so sorry I'm so sorry you had to go through that yes we are very sorry we're sorry basically for every for so okay next one every year the company does a roasting session ah well okay so some people can take that kind of stuff better than others and some people like it because they have material that they like to put forth in their roast so some people like it as an opportunity to come tell people how they feel in a joking way and it's fun it's all fun right some people like it based on that you're generous well I think shoot it depends on the culture right if that is if it's a culture where it's generally acceptable to for people to correct each other's behavior in the form of sarcasm yes which there are cultures where that is believe it or not the norm here's the thing if the policy for accountability is sarcasm M and jokes we have really a lot bigger problems I'm NOS across the board I said you have to go to the party yes okay now I'm saying well there's actually some reasons that I would say you don't have to go and lastly somebody told me okay so you're going to you're going to love this so somebody told me that boy I wish my colleague had listened to the holiday pod because they ended up getting fired for one of the things that we listed did they get too drunk they hit on a oh no married that that is like such a classic thing know like did you not watch any movies it is literally a classic mistake that people make at parties how is this not a popular thing now of like don't do this big neon signs and where are your friends that are not like I want to be at a work party with co-workers that are going to be like hey come here come here you're getting too friendly with that person come here no no no shut it down now or like here's some coffee yes water or let's go the club to the actual Club I mean yeah if you're going to do all that yeah yeah yeah yeah whatever know where it belongs yeah but like yeah how where I want co-workers that are going to be looking out for me a little bit I mean and I say me obviously obviously cuz you're a problem no I was going to say obviously no one would need to take care me I mean did you see me at church the other day I lose my mind when I see my husband come from across the way did you see did you you're going to say I bring my Bible to church no did you see when he was coming down the I just I like it was just yeah yeah yeah that's how I that that's where I'm at so me I wouldn't be the one hitting on people at the thing but people need to look out for each other where's your coworkers why are they letting you act a fool yeah you maybe want to reexamine your environment if you don't have people first of all you know what there's a lot to examine here actually yeah but that's why we're here we're here to help and of course we're each responsible for our own behavior obviously but I will pull you by your hair so fast if I see you doing something D give it to you no like seriously yeah because you should have people around you who you love and trust and care for okay you got to have people also who are brave enough to say something yes we're brave enough to say this is not your best self this is I know this is not who you want to be whatever all right so World kuse okay oh my gosh where are they okay so first and foremost I used to think this would have been a dream come true and I I'm no longer no longer in that theory I'm no longer in that theory and this is why so okay I've learned so much have you ever heard of the Drakes passage no like Drake Drake like well it's not it's named Drake it's the same name but it's not like named after him or anything but go ahead it is a body of water oh it is a body of water that you got to go to to get to Antarctica okay which is where they went where they are just now okay and what people say is you either get the Drake Lake which is is just super peaceful water as you're Crossing or alternatively you get the Drake shake and the ultimate World Cruisers got the Drake shake and I am like abort abort I no longer want I am I'm out so I mean somebody showed a a video of the ship now these ships are you know I don't know huge huge they're they're I don't know how many feet tall but like they're they're super roll coers on them for goodness sake this particular one has um helipad okay so you know for pregnant people it's pretty high yeah well there on the video that you can see waves hitting the helipad no yes that's how big these waves are okay I'm looking to see this is yeah so this ship is 106 ft wide 965 ft long has 13 decks so each deck is like a floor and a hotel so it's like it's so tall but so were they all inside people yes so they were on lockdown yes so the the ship was on lockdown you could not they drained the pools and it for about I think they said 22 hours or something they could not leave their rooms because it was the the lady said for her to go 6 feet in her room just to go to the restroom it took her a while cuz she had to like keep holding on to stuff every step because they were she said I feel like I was tossed in a washing machine okay that's how much it was rocking and shaking no big no and they were so the day before they were told to basically start preparing so people were swallowing Dramamine Ginger shoes putting the patches putting the bands all walking up their rooms with green apples with the crackers with the ginger ale but can you imagine like to prepar to be sick basically for a day and a half but then it went to anarctica and they saw the most gorgeous I mean the icebergs the penuins the Glazer I mean it was it is beautiful it is otherw worldly M it is literally other worldly so is it worth it cuz how many days of Drake Shake uh it was about 30 hours altogether they they said but I I my thing is and I'm watching this closely but I believe now that on the way back I don't think there's like a different route they have to go through the Drake Shake again well is it going to be I mean sometimes it's still sometimes it's still so just wait I'll just be like bro could we yeah I'm not sure they they altered the the plan just a tat bid to make weather just a little bit better but yeah they saw all the Penguins it was so cute show like little penguin highways that the penguins have to among all the snow they create the somehow that movie these little what which movie it's a kids movie I don't know they they gem does the clap oh I'm not well vers never mind sorry anyway it was just magical a it was magical to see now this one kid I follow he was sent there by um a brand a brand sponsored his trip but he's only going for 18 days oh okay now something like that I feel like I can do it I feel like 18 days I can do it was $8500 for the he didn't pay the yeah they did the sponsor and they sent him a bunch of books and he's going to do a book club he's like okay this company sent me all these books you guys pick one for me to read I'm not a reader I don't like reading but this is the company that sent me so I'm going to be reading you guys pick a book so the voters voted for a book and he is now holding a book club I believe today I will be watching cuz he is really funny yes so they've been they've been to a lot of places but like him right now now he's been to every continent I love books send me who's the people I think it's called Arya books or something he went on Tik Tok and he said put a camera on the ship put a camera on the ship it's going to be like a reality show or just send me I'll get the content I'll and he got sponsored send me he got sponsored and he went and somebody paid and he's there aside from that messing up my life I can feel it aside from that the big drama is that the Pinnacle members the Pinnacle members are the ones that have the highest highest ranking on the ship like there's more drama they've been there for so like they've been there however many from the beginning okay I think you have to be on a cruise ship 700 nights or something to get that status 700 nights is two years yeah okay I'm like Emerald there's like Pinnacle oh my God and Pinnacle is like the top so they're like you know usually older people and so the other people are saying that the pinnac the pinnac or whatever you call them are being like what's the word annoyed aggravated at the like assaulted at the like little people so like this particular kid he cursed in one of his videos and you could hear a older Pinnacle person excuse me young man we do not use that language over here like yeah I don't know so that is the thing um that is the only drama but it's so cute they had a penguin party last night to celebrate Antarctica they had a penguin party everybody was dressed kind of like penguin is he put a fur coat and called himself a baby penguin you know how they have like the fur when they're born anyway okay they had a penguin party oh and they brought a giant chunk of Antarctica ice onto the ship for people to touch and take pictures so that's my update all right well that's a great update Cru world I'm enged so now we know about Drake's Passage and it's not that easy to get to Antarctica yeah but worth it it is worth it I think so allegedly it's beautiful I would just not want to go through just just wait just wait until it's I don't get it but okay but I wanted the update and I expect that you'll keep us updated throughout the all the time every time September let's see where are we at let's check where we're at because I just flies by so I'll just end it here pra oh Lord you deserve only you deserve I I woke up singing that this morning really yeah well didn't we sing in church we did but that was two days ago and look at us look at us symbiotic okay I can't wait to do this episode so we're going to do another episode mhm how insecure are you oh wow oh my gosh it's going to be so good is it Yeahs painful we're not going to talk about ourselves people so it's fine good all right so that's it for today hey thank you everyone for listening in today and hey do you want to be a part of the show call or text 864 6191 1683 to share your story and we will get into it about what the leader should have done differently and listen friends we know it's not easy but remember that whatever it is you're walking through you are certainly not alone and together we can make the world a better place to work thanks for listening team take care and see you next week that's why I stand on the book